Funny dog quotes never get old, they just make us love and appreciate our four-legged best friends even more. 

It’s All About Them Furry Babies

It’s a wonder if the world will ever turn the right way for us humans if there are no dogs to keep us sane and ready to face what life has in store for us every single day.

Dogs are a man’s best friend, our loyal companions at home who will love us unconditionally despite who we are.  

If you’re having a bad day, laugh your worries away with these funny dog quotes from unknown and known personalities every dog lover can relate to. 

We also have a collection of beautiful pet quotes for all animal lovers, so be sure to check them out next!

Funny dog quotes celebrating our four-legged best friends

1. “A dog desires affection more than its dinner. Well – almost.” – Charlotte Gray

2. “A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.” – Robert Benchley

3. “A lot of shelter dogs are mutts like me.” – Barack Obama

4. “A well-trained dog will make no attempt to share your lunch. He will just make you feel so guilty that you cannot enjoy it.” – Helen Thomson

5. “Anybody who doesn’t know what soap tastes like, never washed a dog.” – Franklin P. Jones

6. “As wonderful as dogs can be, they are famous for missing the point.” – Jean Ferris

7. “Choosing a dog may be the only chance you get to pick a relative.” – Unknown

8. “Dogs are great. Bad dogs, if you can really call them that, are perhaps the greatest of them all.” – John Grogan

9. “Dogs are like potato chips. You can’t have just one.” – Unknown

10. “Dogs do speak but only to those who know how to listen.” – Orhan Pamuk

Funny dog quotes that will elevate your mood

11. “Dogs never bite me. Just humans.” – Marilyn Monroe

12. “Dogs teach us a very important lesson in life: The mail man is not to be trusted.” – Sian Ford

13. “Don’t accept your dog’s admiration as conclusive evidence that you are wonderful.” – Ann Landers

14. “Ever consider what our dogs must think of us? I mean, here we come back from a grocery store with the most amazing haul, chicken, pork, half a cow. They must think we’re the greatest hunters on earth!” – Anne Tyler

15. “Everything I know I learned from dogs.” – Nora Roberts

16. “Handle every situation like a dog. If you can’t eat it or play with it, just pee on it and walk away.” – Unknown

17. “I once decided not to date a guy because he wasn’t excited to meet my dog. I mean, this was like not wanting to meet my mother.” – Bonnie Schacter

18. “I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.” – Rita Rudner

19. “I work hard so my dog can have a better life.” – Unknown

20. “If aliens saw us walking our dogs and picking up their poop, who would they think is in charge?” – Unknown

Read our collection of dog quotes about our favorite four legged friends.

Funny dog quotes that will make you smile

21. “If I have any beliefs about immortality, it is that certain dogs I have known will go to heaven, and very, very few persons.” – James Thurber

22. “If our dog doesn’t like you, we probably won’t either.” – Unknown

23. “If you are a dog and your owner suggests that you wear a sweater, suggest that he wears a tail.” – Fran Lebowitz

24. “If you think dogs can’t count, try putting three dog biscuits in your pocket and then give him only two of them.” – Phil Pastoret

25. “If you want the best seat in the house, you’ll have to move the dog.” – Unknown

26. “If you’re uncomfortable around my dog, I’m happy to lock you in the other room when you come over.” – Unknown

27. “If your dog is fat, you aren’t getting enough exercise.” – Unknown

28. “It all started when my dog began getting free roll over minutes.” – Jay London

29. “It’s tough to stay married. My wife kisses the dog on the lips, yet she won’t drink from my glass.” – Rodney Dangerfield

30. “My dog is half pit-bull, half poodle. Not much of a watchdog, but a vicious gossip.” – Craig Shoemaker

Also read these quotes about snakes that will make your fears disappear.

Funny dog quotes to brighten your day

31. “My dog is worried about the economy because Alpo is up to $3.00 a can. That’s almost $21.00 in dog money.” – Joe Weinstein

32. “No home decor is complete without dog hair.” – Unknown

33. “Outside of a dog, a book is a man’s best friend. Inside of a dog it’s too dark to read.” – Groucho Marx

34. “Scratch a dog and you’ll find a permanent job.” – Franklin P. Jones

35. “Some of my best leading men have been dogs and horses.” – Elizabeth Taylor

36. “The average dog is a nicer person than the average person.” – Andy Rooney

37. “The better I get to know men, the more I find myself loving dogs.” – Charles De Gaulle

38. “When an 85-pound mammal licks your tears away and then tries to sit on your lap, it’s hard to feel sad.” – Kristan Higgins

39. “Whoever said you can’t buy happiness forgot about puppies.” – Unknown

40. “You can say any foolish thing to a dog, and the dog will give you a look that says, ‘Wow, you’re right! I never would’ve thought of that!’” – Dave Barry

Other funny dog quotes that will make you love your loyal companion even more

41. “You can trust your dog to guard your house but never trust your dog to guard your sandwich.” – Unknown

42. “You want a friend in Washington? Get a dog.” – Harry Truman

43. “Dogs feel very strongly that they should always go with you in the car, in case the need should arise for them to bark violently at nothing, right in your ear.” – Dave Barry

44. “I don’t want to adult today, I just want to dog. I’ll be lying down on the floor in the sun, you can pet me and bring me some snacks.” – Unknown

45. “I was thinking of getting a German Shepherd once, but I didn’t want to learn another language just to have a dog.” – Unknown

46. “It was me. I let the dogs out.” – Unknown

47. “Never stand between a dog and the fire hydrant. – John Peer

48. “In the event of a tornado or other such natural disaster, place weiners and/or cheese slices in your pockets so the search dogs can find you first.” – Unknown

49. “To a dog, a fire hydrant under maintenance is like a bathroom that’s out of service.” – Unknown

50. “Two fleas are coming out of a bar when one asks the other, ‘Do we take a dog or do we walk home?’” – Unknown 

Don’t forget to also read these bird quotes that will inspire you to spread your wings and fly.

More funny dog quotes that will make your day

51. “The dog is a gentleman; I hope to go to his heaven, not man’s.” — Mark Twain

52. “What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job!”— George Carlin

53. “In order to really enjoy a dog, one doesn’t merely try to train him to be semi-human. The point of it is to open oneself to the possibility of becoming partly a dog.” — Edward Hoagland

54. “No one appreciates the very special genius of your conversation as much as the dog does.” — Christopher Morley

55. “I don’t think twice about picking up my dog’s poop, but if another dog’s poop is next to it, I think, ‘Eww, dog poop!” — Jonah Goldberg

56. “Did you ever walk into a room and forget why you walked in? I think that is how dogs spend their lives.” — Sue Murphy

57. “There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face.” — Bernard Williams

58. “In order to keep a true perspective of one’s importance, everyone should have a dog that will worship him and a cat that will ignore him.” — Derek Bruce

59. “My cats inspire me daily. They inspire me to get a dog!”— Greg Curtis

60. “I’ve seen a look in dogs’ eyes, a quickly vanishing look of amazed contempt, and I am convinced that dogs think humans are nuts.” — John Steinbeck

Funny Dog Quotes To Make You Smile

61. “Did you ever notice that when you blow in a dog’s face he gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car, he sticks his head out the window.” — Steve Bluestone

62. “If there are no dogs in heaven, then when I die I want to go where they went.” — Will Rogers

63. “I sometimes look into the face of my dog Stan and see a wistful sadness and existential angst, when all he is actually doing is slowly scanning the ceiling for flies.” — Merrill Markoe

64. “Properly trained, a man can be dog’s best friend.” — Corey Ford

65. “To his dog, every man is Napoleon; hence the constant popularity of dogs.” — Aldous Huxley

66. “All his life he tried to be a good person. Many times, however, he failed. For, after all, he was only human. He wasn’t a dog.” — Charles M. Schulz

67. “The most affectionate creature in the world is a wet dog.” — Ambrose Bierce

68. “Reason number 106 why dogs are smarter than humans: once you leave the litter, you sever contact with your mothers.” — Jodi Picoult

69. “The great pleasure of a dog is that you may make a fool of yourself with him and not only will he not scold you, but he will make a fool of himself too.” — Samuel Butler

70. “I don’t understand people who don’t touch their pets. Their cat or dog is called a pet for a reason.” — Jarod Kintz

Did you enjoy these funny dog quotes?

These funny dog quotes are just the tip of the iceberg.

With so many dog lovers in the world, there’s got to be a host of other funny dog quotes that we have yet to discover.

Show Your Pups You Care

They say dogs are the best therapists in the world who can easily dissolve worries with their signature expressions of tender loving care – licking your face, turning over, wagging their tails, and running to you with excitement like it’s their first time to see you as soon as you’ve entered the door.

Always thank them by giving them your brand of TLC – special belly rubs, road trips, park visits, and those delicious treats you buy from the store they’ve always been craving for.

Did you enjoy these funny dog quotes?

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